I often work with entrepreneurs who are one-person shops. I understand they need a work-life balance to thrive, so the last thing I want to do is tell them they MUST do all the social media channels (I do always recommend Facebook, if possible for the possibility of running targeted ads, read more about that here). 

These folks often come to me having been through so many webinars and coffees and “brain-picking sessions” (they are hard-core entrepreneurs, they do their research!) that they often have shiny object syndrome, aka they want to do it ALL. Do it all NOW. 

I don’t support that plan, but I DO have a plan of action to increase your “ROI” (Return on Investment, aka what are you earning with your time spent on the project).  

 Combine Blogging and Social Media

Create Long-Form Social Media Posts

If you realize that very few folks are actually going to your website to interact with you, you realize it is okay to share your newest thoughts on social media first. 

1. 1. So type out a “blog post” but instead of going to social media and saying “new post and here’s the link” share the full text of your post on social media. 
   2. This is known as a long-form post and continues to get engagement because it’s authentic and doesn’t require your fans to exit the platform to visit your website to read the article (so your message gets out). 
   3. What about getting people to my website you ask? Don’t be gamey about it. If your post is in service to your topic, interested minds know how to get there. 

 Create a “logo/quote graphic” for each post

1. Use this image to post on instagram and twitter. Experiment using it on Facebook and also with NO photo on facebook to see what gets the most sets of eyes from that algorithm. 
2. You will also use this image on your website as a blog post “featured image” with the same text you shared on social media 

Create a blog post

1.  See 2b above: upload these elements to your website
2. Simple slug: make sure you change your url to be something easy to remember so you can reference this blog text later (eg: mywebsite.com/topic1 vs mywebsite.com/this-is-the-full-title-for-topic1-article-and-is-silly-to-read

 Further Time Saving Tips

Cross Post From Instagram 

If you have time to show up differently on all the social media channels, that is amazing and I say go for it. But we have found that people have their own channels and tend to stay there. For now, work on getting content to the various channels rather than trying to completely customize it. Until then: 

1. Post your long form copy and image from Instagram and cross post it to your business facebook page 
2. If you cross post from Instagram to Twitter users don’t see the image, they only see a link, so set up an automated robot at the website: if this than that. Once set up you can have it post all photos to Twitter or just ones with certain hashtags. 

 Consider A Scheduling Software & Use LinkTree

1. Consider using Buffer (or another scheduling software) that allows you to upload a basic post to one channel (FB for instance) then you can go to a twitter window and shorten that message for twitter, check another window for Linked In and yet another for Instagram (you can three accounts in the free version or eight in the paid). 
2. Install Linktree on your Instagram site and have a link to your blog and key website pages. 
   This app allows people to visit your Instagram profile and find the links of things you’re referencing on instagram. 

 You May Want An Editorial Calendar…

 Don’t Just Post About It Once

1. Once the text is up on the website you can post about it multiple times, some people do a yearly rotation or even quarterly rotation for “key content.” 
2. Instead of doing the same post again, this time try a quote graphic that links to the blog or just a photo that links to the blog with a short excerpt from the blog. 
3. Always consider an Instagram/FB story with a quote (you won’t be able to “swipe up” link until your account is at 10K followers) but you can put your username with the “@” and say link in bio — having the bio with @ is the only way to make a hyperlink in Instagram)

 Further Flush Out Your Editorial Calendar

1.  Find & Create Weekly Posting Schedule for Ideas: 
   Look for hashtags that make sense based on days of the week, for example
   #mindfulmonday
   #thoughtfulthursday
   #wellnessnesday  
2. Look for “National Days Of” that relate to your brand and make (and save graphics to reshare) on these days (year after year).  

The post Sharing Your Thoughts on Social Media and Blogs appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

So, if you know you want to become a speaker in addition to being an author, there are some tactical ways to grow your visibility and increase your chances of booking high-visibility conferences and events.

CREATE A SPEAKING REEL

Realize that YOU know your content inside and out, but the world doesn’t know you and how well you interpret your content for an audience. Therefore, you need a speaking reel.

WHAT IS A SPEAKING REEL?

The usual reel contains highlights of your speaking style, including clips from more than one talk. It should be short enough that the person watching doesn’t lose interest, but not too jumpy/quick that the person watching starts to wonder if you had to edit out tons of “ums” and “you knows” to make your reel seem professional. It’s also beneficial to include an audience in your reel. Bureaus and other conferences want to see you in front of a group of people and they want to see their reactions and engagement.

HOW DO YOU GET A SPEAKING REEL IF YOU DON’T HAVE TALKS?

Ah ha! Here’s where you may need to stick your head out a few times and offer your services for “free” — knowing that you’re building your brand while “giving away” your content. Think about how you could get out into your community and start speaking about your topic.

While a group may seem “too small,” remember that it’s always a chance for you to hone your message and practice engaging with audiences of varying types. (Note: I’m not saying you do this for years on end, but 3-5 times so you have enough content to edit into a quality reel.)

TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

If you want to start being paid to speak at conferences, you need to start going to conferences first. What can you offer conference organizers where you hope to speak one day? Can you do a poster presentation or speak on a panel? Even if they just offer you a travel-only stipend, each event you participate in will help increase your brand awareness. Don’t go overboard with the free engagements, but each time you do agree to work with an organizer, s/he/they are more likely to keep you in mind for future gigs.

Wherever and whenever you speak, wow them with your introductory presentation and good things will come!

We also want to share some of the nitty-gritty specifics that you’ll need to know after you’ve landed a few events and feel more comfortable on the stage.

WHEN YOU HAVE AN EVENT IN THE PIPELINE

THINGS TO ASK

Will the organizers be filming the event? If so, can you get a copy of the footage? If not, may you record (or hopefully have someone else record) your presentation? If they are recording you, will they charge you for the footage? How long will post-production take? If you’re speaking to a group that is run by volunteers, these are key questions to ask. Pro-tip: get a recommendation and hire a videographer and provide the videographer with a formal shot list s/he should record.

WHAT TO WEAR?

What clothing will help (subtly) reinforce your branding? One of our team member’s former clients with orange in his brand continues to wear orange suede shoes to all his speaking gigs. While you may not take it that literally, think about TV anchors and their clothing: I’m not telling you to get out the hairspray and go big, but I am warning you to stay away from strong patterns and contrasts in your fabrics. Create 3-5 go-to “speaker outfits” that coordinate with each other so your reel won’t clash.

THINKING BIG PICTURE: WHAT’S YOUR PITCH?

How will multiple speeches work together? If you have a voiceover in mind before you start the process, it will be easier to find the right clips and edit them into a strong speaking reel.

• Write out a 2-3 minute pitch that explains your WHYs.
• Why is your take on the topic unique? Why do audiences like to hear your message? Why should someone pay you to talk to their group?

Recently, a client asked us if it’s more important to have intelligent content or if the entertainment factor outweighs content when seeking to land conferences and relationships with speaking bureaus. Obviously, both are important; however, we think that audience engagement pulls ahead as the key factor when deciding between the two. Remember to include it in your sizzle reel!

Hone your message, ask good questions, and be prepared!

Previously published as a contractor for Worthy Marketing Group

The post Speaker, Author, or Both? appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

WHY BOOK CLUBS?

As a new author, you want to get the message that you’ve worked so hard in crafting into the hands of as many people as possible, right? (Yes, many authors come to us wanting to reach best-seller status). Obviously, you don’t have to create a book club discussion guide to get your book in front of people, BUT it is a nice perk to have on your website. We often advise and assist clients in creating a “lead generation magnet” when trying to promote their book. From pre-order incentives to a chapter download, the usual goal of digital assets is to capture the mighty email address and “list build.” However, a book club guide is a great way to get folks to your site and give them something for free — with no email required.

WHAT SHOULD A GUIDE CONTAIN?

Any good book club leader has a set of questions s/he will keep in her back pocket, so don’t think about adding all the “obvious” questions to your guide. Instead, what insights can you share as an author? What are your favorite quotes? See our guide for Lisa Kohn that implements some of her favorite quotes with photos (created as social media share memes) and questions that flush out important themes Lisa wants readers to realize with her memoir.

Click to read the text

click to read the reverse side

WHO’S YOUR AUDIENCE?

Gretchen Rubin provided different versions of her guide for various types of book club groups. If your book could be a business or personal group pick, consider doing the same or at least working on questions relevant to various types of audiences.

	For Friends and Family
For Teams at Work	For Faith-Based Groups

WHAT ELSE CAN I OFFER?

If you feel so inclined, put on your Martha Stewart hat and get creative. These can be bonus ideas listed on your website and/or posted on social media.

Food/Drinks: Are there particular foods or drinks that would make sense with your book? If so, share a favorite recipe that goes with your story/theme.

Music: Do you mention specific music in the book? Create a playlist for a book club to play in the background.

Station Ideas: if it makes sense to break a book club meeting into sections or stations, list them out for your readers. Amy Blankson’s book club used tabletop easels to define the spaces and relate the food back to her book’s themes. 

This was originally written as a contractor for Worthy Marketing Group.

The post The Guide to Book Club Guides appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

It is so tempting, it seems so easy—boost this post and great things will happen! Right? Wrong.

In most cases, it is a waste of your money to use the boost post feature in Facebook.

WHY WE DON’T LIKE IT 

When we get access to client accounts and take a look at the advertising spends they have done, we often cringe—if you are just boosting a post (and not working on any targeting or audience demographics) you’re just growing Facebook’s annual income (and not yours).

The best thing about Facebook advertising is the ability to test audiences and discover where your message resonates. But, if you’ve got a slew of general boosts, don’t try to delete them from your record. Instead, ask what can you learn from general boosts. Take a look at the insights from your general boost. Who responded? Use that data to build a targeted campaign. Age? Gender? Look for trends. Then create a systematic, targeted ad campaign—what some people are calling “dark ads” to really get a return on your investment.

SO I CAN’T EVER DO A BOOST?

The world is not black and white and the rules for Facebook ads aren’t all or nothing either. With the Facebook apocalypse (aka ever-changing algorithms and efforts to make people’s feeds full of friends and family) you should plan to spend money to reach your fans and boosts can feature into that plan.

If you have a special message that you want to make your existing fans aware of, go ahead and use the boost post and make sure you select for your fans. If you’re advertising for a talk in Chicago, narrow your audience to a geolocation that makes sense. No matter how much that busy mom in California loves you, she’s probably not going to fly in for your talk. (If you have a team of marketers helping you build your reach or you want to really dig into FB ads, then you can create an ad to look like a post that gets better reporting, especially if you’re sending them to make any kind of conversion outside of Facebook).

Since Facebook is only showing a small (and reportedly smaller and smaller) portion of your content to your fans, you SHOULD plan a weekly or bi-weekly boost to ensure they see your content. However, encourage your clients to follow your page—see first, not just to like it. This tells Facebook that you are creating great content that people want to see and interact with. (But you have to follow through and be worth it, as there are limited spots for “see first” and people won’t bother if you’re occasionally posting random thoughts.)

Here’s a sample video that we helped past clients Amy Blankson and Michelle Gielan create for their GoodThink newsletter that explains the Follow First concept to their subscribers.

SO TO RECAP:

1) Boost sparingly and only to your tribe

2) Don’t boost if you’re asking for any kind of conversion (do a real ad instead)

3) Ask your fans to follow first vs like your page

This was originally written as a contractor for Worthy Marketing Group.

The post Step Away From the Facebook Boost Button appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

Sometimes known as lead magnets (freebies, giveaways, etc.), these are items that authors and other businesses create to entice you to give up your almighty and powerful email address for the practice of list building. The format is typically a PDF that is relatively short, 1-5 pages, and shares quick, actionable, super-useful content and is 100% free in exchange for the reader’s email address.

For authors, one of the easiest things to create is a book club guide (read our story about creating those here). In addition, digital downloads are a great way to give a free chapter of a book, a research report/white paper, or other bite-size information that you want to offer your audience.

The thought is that the person reading it will be able to take your idea and become a brand ambassador for you. They might say “I just did this really thought-provoking declutter worksheet from this really great author — you should visit her site and get it.”

CASE STUDY: AMY BLANKSON

In 2017, we worked with technology and positive psychology researcher Amy Blankson to launch her book The Future of Happiness. Worthy CEO Jayme Johnson recently discussed the book launch process with Amy on a Facebook live (watch the session below).

Some of Amy’s assets were created as fun items she could advertise to her growing social media following. For example (as pictured here), her intention screens are images of a few key messages resized for various types of phones. Amy does not tell her audience to run away and live in the hills without tech, but instead, she wants us to use tech with intention. So, having your phone ask if you’re opening it to meet a goal or not is a way to help you change your tech use habits — perhaps like checking social media more than once or twice a day.

Some of Amy’s downloads were created to incentivize preorders of her book. Preorders are the new normal of modern publishing. They are how books reach The New York Times bestseller list the day they’re released. Publishers—as well as a whole industry of warehouses holding “preorders”—have taken notice! Yet consumers could often care less unless it’s the next installment of a wildly popular series. So what’s an author to do? Enter the pre-order incentives.

Some publishers will take the lead on this, creating branded “swag” that gets mailed to consumers who submit a receipt showing proof of purchase. We’ve seen coffee mugs, journals, pens, wristbands, and bookmarks most commonly. If you’re a new-to-the-scene author and represent more of a risk to the publisher, they may suggest digital assets or may not even be helping with a pre-order campaign much at all (where Worthy often finds a sweet spot to assist authors).

The good news about digital assets is that you don’t have a bunch of boxes in your garage and you don’t have to handle shipping. However, fear of drop shipping shouldn’t keep you from making an asset. For example, our client Lisa Kohn wanted to do something extra personal (so not digital) for her readers that took the time to preorder. So we created custom bookplates and bookmarks. While these are tangible things that Lisa will actually sign and personalize, they can still be mailed in a first-class envelope without any extra padding or shipping, so we feel it’s often the best of both the digital and branded product worlds.

See all of Amy’s assets here on her RESOURCES tab.

This was originally written as a contractor for Worthy Marketing Group.

The post Why You NEED a Digital Download appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

Let’s say it like this: a picture is worth a 1,000 words. Trite? Perhaps, but still true. People are coming to your website and bio sections looking for information about you. If your photos are pixelated, dated, sized improperly or otherwise wonky, you’re not making the best first impression.

So how do you get a photoshoot that meets your needs as a professional author, speaker, and business owner?

As the wife of a professional photographer, I have some insight into the mind of a photographer and how you can help make your photoshoot deliver the results you want. I’ve been there when he’s had a shoot go well (sometimes I get to assist on fun projects) AND when he’s been trying to redo a native file to make magic because the client didn’t know what they wanted when the shoot happened. Save yourself time and money and keep your photographer happy.

START WITH A LIST OF PHOTOS YOU NEED NOW

Assess the needs of your current website and marketing materials. Consider:

1. 1. social media bios
   2. business cards
   3. brochures/flyers
   4. website

EXPLAIN THE LARGER GOAL WHEN BOOKING YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER

We recommend: “to create a searchable library of brand-specific -cohesive- images to be used in multiple formats and areas.”

DETAIL THE STYLE YOU WANT TO EXPRESS

For example, “I am presenting a fun, active brand: photos should reflect that and not be stuffy or overly formal, more photojournalism style rather than the traditional “glamour shot” style portrait.

COLOR(S)

Do you have colors that you’re using in your branding that you want to keep in mind for the photoshoot? Think ahead and share a branding guidelines doc with your photographer (you have one of those, right?).

TOPICS

Since you want the most ROI for your photoshoot, think through all the topics you may want to express visually in the next year or two. What are your two or four main speaking topics? What are the subtopics you address in each important chapter of your book?

For example, when our clients Team Sherzai wanted to create an image library, we broke their topics into the following categories with notes about how we envisioned representing the topic visually:

• Nutrition (include cooking and prepping shots, include some of healthy options to share with friends and family—could be optimize/nutrition crossover)
• Exercise (include seated bikes, biking outside, walking outside, walking on beach, yoga)
• Unwind (include meditation, stretching, tai chi )
• Restore (include sleeping images, sleeping bedroom set up, Dean in sleeping mask, show dean with favorite pillow, show kids in PJs)
• Optimize (show family singing together, playing instruments, doing puzzles, social connection with family/friends)
• Science/Brain Health (hold/use brain model, lab coats, scrubs, stethoscopes, also shoot brain model so that they can use the model as a reference photo to show areas of the brain when needed)

SHOT LIST

Once you have your topics figured out, think through some other questions:

1. Do you ever include your family (or a business partner) in your work?  If so, you should note that you need that topic (Topic 1) in a solo shot and a family shot.
2. Crop for multiple uses: we recommend that you ask the photographer to take each shot from multiple angles so that you have options to use for creating graphics with text–make sure you’re not in the center of each final picture output.
3. Create your shot list (specific images that must be captured during the event) from the topics + questions 1 and 2 here.

First written while working as a contractor for Worthy Marketing Group, Spring, 2016

The post Why You NEED a Photo Library appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

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Image by Marekuliasz/dreamstime.com

Cultivate a positive outlook to increase productivity and job satisfaction for yourself and your team.

By ALEXIS BIERMAN, GoodThinkInc.

The Houston Apartment Association likes to have fun. From zombie blowing tournaments to gala receptions honoring young industry professionals, HAA throws a good party. And now there is more reason to enjoy the fun – the new field of positive psychology proves that an emphasis on enjoying work is not just good for morale, but good for the bottom line, too.

We’ve all been there: It’s the end of the week, and your to-do list is still far from complete. You’ve got calls to return, the stack of forms to file is piled high on your desk … and your coworkers are asking you to join them for happy hour. What does your mind tell you to do?

It’s likely if you grew up in America, you’re going to feel guilty if you take a break and join your coworkers. We’ve been taught that the secret to happiness is to work hard, put in extra effort, and then we will be happy – then we will have time to go out for happy hour. We think that a hard worker with her nose to the grindstone is what every boss wants for an employee, right?

Studies have shown that when we turn this formula around and rewrite the secret to success, we have 37 percent greater sales, are 31 percent more productive, 40 percent more likely to receive a promotion and three times more creative. It turns out that happy people are more likely to live longer and even have 23 percent fewer fatigue symptoms!

THE POWER OF A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

The field of positive psychology is showing that employers should be looking for something other than this stereotypical “hard worker.” Employers who are schooled in this research are now looking for employees with a positive outlook. Turns out that the “secret to success” we were taught is backward. When we put the happiness off until the end of our goals, it makes us less productive.

Studies have shown that when we turn this formula around and rewrite the secret to success, we have 37 percent greater sales, are 31 percent more productive, 40 percent more likely to receive a promotion and three times more creative. It turns out that happy people are more likely to live longer and even have 23 percent fewer fatigue symptoms!

So it’s time to rewrite that message that plays in our head when we’re confronted with our daily choices. Realize that happiness brings success and that success orbits around happiness. Happy workers are smarter, more motivated and therefore more successful.

HABITS OF HAPPY PEOPLE

So, how do we get happiness? How do we overcome the stress and fatigue of our over-scheduled lives? You may have been told that you’ve come from a “sad family,” or you may think that you can’t be happy because you have had a rough time with life – but again, science proves that we are more than our genes and our past experiences. We are able to change our levels of happiness with our own mindsets and habits.

I work for GoodThinkInc., a positive psychology consulting firm. Founder Shawn Achor is the best-selling author of The Happiness Advantage. Shawn speaks to companies throughout the world explaining that this “happiness stuff” is not your grandma’s hand- holding and rose-colored glasses but actual research that presents qualitative methods to improve outcomes in any industry.

The following habits are recommended throughout the field of positive psychology.

I encourage you to pick one habit and share it with your team, and encourage each other to complete the habit for at least 21 days.

Gratitude

Everyday list three things you’re grateful for. Think of three new items each day so that you actively reprogramming your brain to search your world for positive elements.

HOW TO DO IT: These don’t have to be fancy. Why not get some sticky notes for your team and create a gratitude wall?

The Fun 15

Exercise for at least 10 to 15 minutes a day. Yes, the research still supports this one. Our bodies were meant to move, and when we exercise we experience brain benefits and reduce our levels of stress.

HOW TO DO IT: Support your team in exercising. Allow 30 minutes of workout time as part of their paid hours or lead a group walk around the property at lunch.

Conscious Acts of Kindness

Spend two minutes writing an email (or a card) thanking someone for something he or she has done for you. This activity helps you remember a kindness in your life and creates a kindness in the recipient’s life as well.

HOW TO DO IT: Allow your staff five minutes in the morning to write this email or start every meeting with someone sharing something he or she is thankful for in relation to the teamwork.

We can increase our level of happiness in a number of ways throughout each day. If performed habitually, over time these activities can permanently increase our happiness baseline.

Alexis Bierman is the social media advisor for GoodThinkInc., Want to know more? Visit Good- ThinkInc.com and sign up for the newsletter to get two additional happiness habit tips.

The post Choose to Be Happy (Feature for the Abode) appeared first on Alexis Bierman.

When you enter into Family Court, you do so thinking you’re doing what’s best for your kids. But by entering the realm — or as I prefer to call it ”circus” — of Family Court, I signed up for spending two college funds and somehow initiated a process that removed the children from the only full-time home they’d ever known in the first 9 and 12 years of their lives. 

Please note: as a non-custodial mom, I now understand the judgments people make, so let me pause here to answer the inevitable questions: no, I had never been in trouble with CPS; nor had any truancy issues at the school; I don’t do drugs; and I was once the PTA president, not a sexual predator. 

In fact, despite my having evidence to document the years I spent trying to do the best for my children, so many “errors” happened in this journey that I have a hard time pinpointing just how the judge could have come to her decision, but these are the ones that I feel turned the tide when we finally did make it in front of a judge:

Multiple Judges

• Our county does not allow you to have one judge unless your case is “complicated” so we saw a total of five judges (one judge twice, by luck of the draw). This meant that although the final judge was to have reviewed the entire case file, there was no evidence that she understood previous rulings or how they applied to the case — which reflected how the legal system was being used as a weapon. 

Custody Evaluation Prior to Mediation

• I agreed to a custody evaluation when we had not been to mediation and I was not sure why the penultimate husband wanted one. This allowed someone entirely paid by my ex-husband to enter the case and would result in not one, but two, severely biased and flawed (HIPPA violations, omissions, errors, retesting failures, non-verification of significant facts or timelines in the case) but seemingly well-composed 80-page reports to the court.

Lawyer Shenanigans

• My first lawyer dropped my case 10 days before our court-ordered mediation that was to happen two days before the emergency hearing that was generated after the first custody report. I later found out this lawyer was preparing for a jury trial with that same custody evaluator as her featured expert so she could not then turn around and tear down the expert for my case.

ProSe Representation

• Although I was able to get a second lawyer, she dropped my case because I couldn’t make my payments as planned when I lost my largest client (due to the stress of the court situation) and I decided to represent myself Pro Se at that time. While I thought it would help my case to show I was adamant that I believed in my parenting and putting the children’s interests first by being there in court to fight for their need to just fly once a month, it was used against me. 

Amicus Attorney vs Custody Evaluator

• Even though I was able to get the penultimate husband to agree to pay for half of an amicus attorney for the children in December 2018 mediation, the judge did not accept his opinion. The amicus attorney did his due diligence and looked into the history of the case, not just the two months surrounding the custody evaluations. He visited both family “set-ups” on multiple occasions and agreed that the children should get their wish and get to stay in Texas with me. The Texas state code does not allow for an amicus attorney to present or prepare a report, and I believe that if the judge had side-by-side documentation of process and discovery, then she would have been able to compare apples to apples.

Continuance Issued after Amicus Testifies

• For our final hearing in May 2019, the amicus was asked to testify first–prior to other side testifying– with his findings. He did so (he stated the kids should get their wish and stay in San Antonio). The trial was to continue the following day, yet on our way to the courthouse, I got an email saying the opposing counsel requested a custody evaluation update by emergency petition and was then awarded a delay for another round of custody evaluation to happen.

Evaluator Failed to Demonstrate Evidence to Support Conclusions

• At trial after the second round of evaluation, the custody evaluator was questioned on the stand for more than three hours. The evaluator’s responses acknowledged multiple errors in his report and process and answers such as, “No, I did not review the file,” “No, I didn’t bring my case file to court,” and “I can’t remember” when questioned about any significant details relating to any of the omissions or noted errors in either of his reports.

Judge Not “Present” in the Courtroom

• The judge — who was busy editing the San Antonio Judicial Review as I testified next to her for the entire first day of the case — sided with the custody evaluator and the children’s father. She sided against me, the mother, against the wishes of the children, and counter to the assessment of the children’s appointed amicus attorney.

What Happened?!

You see, my penultimate husband is a doctor and remarried to a woman who is happy to be a stay-at-home-mom to my children. She has two children of her own. They are “Brady Bunching” it, and while I’m happy my kids get to have close relationships with new siblings, I did nothing to warrant the removal of the children from my care. 

In fact, the reason I agreed to the custody evaluation was that we had been working with a family social worker for the six-months prior to the custody evaluation and our life was already “on the record.” Yet the custody evaluator never spoke to this woman. He also never confirmed the details of a complicated medical issue our son was having concurrently while I was filing to modify custody arrangements — because our son was suffering from the every first, third, and firth weekend cross-country travel.

It was only at this point — when the tactics of my penultimate husband truly started to show these outward signs of hurting the kids — that I finally did something in court. I believe it is worth it for me to “turn my cheek” as much as possible when the children are involved and have worked to make our divorce child-centered once I realized that divorce didn’t have to be a bad thing and I didn’t have to make my kids feel like they were stuck in the middle as I had felt when I was a  kid. 

Instead, I created (and paid for because I was the one who filed in court first) an opportunity for my penultimate husband and his team to purchase our children. 

What Now?!

I am left to grieve the loss of the family I once knew. My son once proclaimed our family should be known as the “So-Loved iBeforeE Family” and I have no doubt in my heart that we will live up to that moniker, somehow. 

But I am not alone. The court system is being used a weapon to hurt protective mothers (defined as those mothers who are in tune with their children enough to hear things the children won’t easily tell other people like therapists or teachers) and children are the pawns in the game and ultimately the ones to suffer the most. 

I am working to help bring light to the wrongs listed above.

 Formal Complaints + Letters

So far, I have completed the following steps to bring awareness to the issues that affected my case. I offer redacted versions of my file to the state board so that others may use them to see how I combined the screenshots of the evidence with the statements so that there is no “doubt” of the reviewer seeing the actual facts, which I suspect happens when you only provide exhibits as a chunk at the end of the presentation. 

 click to download each file

Complaint to the State Licensing Board against Custody Evaluator

Letter to State Representative Diego Bernal re: the power of an Amicus Attorney vs Custody Evaluator 

Dear Bexar County Judges (letter re: Domestic Violence by Proxy and Trauma Awareness)

Email to Colleen Bridger, City of San Antonio Director of Metro Health (trauma Awareness advocate)

Email to Bonnie Petrie, Texas Public Radio Health Science Reporter (trauma awareness advocate)

Additional NCM Resources 

Confirmed: Custody Courts Fail Children

Courts Say Divorcing Parents Have a Right to Post Online

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